You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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