i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
