I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
