I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
