Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
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