I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
