So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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