He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
