I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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