I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
