the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
it glows. i had to have it.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
