im six kinds of drunk right now
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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