my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
