She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
