don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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