I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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