dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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