GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
