i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
