Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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