so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
