She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Houston, we have a blender
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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