There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize