And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize