by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
You made out with two different species that night
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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