if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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