Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
