also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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