Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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