hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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