Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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