Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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