Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
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