He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
