Please, let me fuck your mom
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
