apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
