Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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