Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I did not marry a roomba.
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