weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
