She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize