Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
