You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
