Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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