I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
he fucked my hip out of place.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
