Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
