Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize