she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
