Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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