Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
