I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
