Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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