Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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