So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
