Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
