yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
