just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
