Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
