Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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