Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
