the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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