Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Randomize
